I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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