On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
