I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
