i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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