I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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