she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
