I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
