is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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