HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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