Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
