She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
