how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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