he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
