it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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