I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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