Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
