If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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