The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We are two peas in an std pod
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
