So drunk its hurt
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
