weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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