woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
