At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
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Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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