I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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