Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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