dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
