i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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