I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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