last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
