we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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