dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
