Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
