I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
