CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize