And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
