Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
