Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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