I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
