Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
