I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
