Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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