I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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