Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
