oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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