I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
