if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
