put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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