Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
