Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
