It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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