Umm I'm too high to move.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
