If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
