watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
