Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
