You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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