i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
