listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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