I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
