I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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