I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
