make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
