I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?