No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me