In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
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Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico