i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Couch. On fire.