i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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