I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug