goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.