You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
