so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
