I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
