I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
