Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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