Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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