Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
porn star boner night. come get it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He has the fingertips of a God
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