dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
