Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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