My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
