we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
